Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
