Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
