Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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