It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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