so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
