Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
