I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
