is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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