shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
