We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize