hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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