dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
