I would go down on you faster than GM stock
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
