come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
