The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
