Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
