i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
