She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
