apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
