The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
