there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize