Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
