six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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