Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
