I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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