your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize