we have officially lost it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
