Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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