I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
