so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
