I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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