my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
