Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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