am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
