is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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