Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
