Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
