i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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