Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
