this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
