Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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