his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
false alarm. still invincible.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
