I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
