Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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