This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have post one night stand depression
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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