i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love accidental penises.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
