Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
