...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
