I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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