I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
