i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
