what day is it and did you see me today?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
