At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
