The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
