You can't special order awesome
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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