Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
