Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
