i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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