He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
