can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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