Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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