i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
