that's an acceptable place to lick
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize