dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
