I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
