Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
