Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
