You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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