i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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