tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize