i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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