I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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