Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He felt like a one man threesome
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
