i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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