This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize