were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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