Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
