I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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