I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
