getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
