yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
