i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
