so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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