The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
