Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
